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"Are these alt posts just vying for 'craven post of the day' on kiwi farms or something?"

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GamingThread The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening remake announced for Nintendo Switch
Reason User Warned: Inappropriate commentary
*Link attempts to sneak out of the shop without paying for the shovel* SHOPKEEPER: "Not so fast, cocksucker!" *shopkeeper blows off Link's head at point-blank range with a pump-action shotgun* SHOPKEEPER: "Dear god... What have I done?" *cue a montage where the shopkeeper melts down Link's headless body in a chemical barrel while "The Sound of Silence" plays*